Garanq tarkq aii ? Ohhhhqqq tarkq qarang ehykkk ? Okeyhq cann . Paii paii . Muahqx 

Haven't been meeting bestfriend for so long sigh my schedule is like full of dance what you you expect. Danceworks is just this Sunday. How time passes so fast. It has been like almost 3 months of us practicing the steps. I gotta work out with my stamina it's really weak but at least better than last time. I am really afraid for danceworks it's my first time doing this thing so it's like krik krik.................. i tell myself to like just do my best. Today is like the best dance practice. Halim and friends came in to see us dance. Their cheers actually like um motivated me :') First was group 2 then group 1 then group 2 and group 1 again. So the last was group 1, and that was the time alot of people suddenly watch and like shouting here and there and makes me feel scared. That amount of people watching us dance, i feel so scared how bout two thousand people watching i'm like oh my God. I have to be brave it's just this Sunday which is just 3 more days. And we got our clothing, caps except for our boots and red tops. We'll be getting our boots this Saturday, after dance we're going to Bugis with Ms Kate and 'free swag' members. I hope mum and dad will at least give me the money for Sat. After danceworks, the next day is 'Monday' what the hell sia spoiler only. But lucky it's the maths trail and i get to know that i'm the leader of my group for that trail and i'm like fucking happy cause first time i leader jakun k lala, and the next day i'll be leaving for camp at labrador park for four day three days i hope i'll be safe there. I'm sure gonna miss my family. I wanna bring my bantal busuk but if missing who want be responsible? Then cannot sleep with "her" lagi )-: still considering if i should bring. Maybe bring pooh ah. So after camp holidays can fucking have that week to rest from danceworks, practice, studies and camp. And i have cip on March okay schedule tight busywoman chey fake k bye.

Thanks Ya Allah for giving me such lovely friends like Syahindah and Aqilah. I'm so blessed. But do you know that our friendship is fading? Why Allah? What's my fault? I really can't bear losing any of my friends anymore. I've lost Wira. And i really don't want to lose my bestgirl; they're my life. I fucking hate myself for making that mistake. The reason is that i'm tired. Tired of trying my best so people will stay i realize by forcing, it won't help. Syahindah and Yaya is in need of listening ear. I know i'm nothing but i have to be there for them why must our friendship fade? I can actually cry anytime just by thinking about us. You know that i don't wanna lose them. You know that i pray for them every morning. You know how much they mean to me.  I know by saying sorry won't help. But if i didn't talk to them, my life is like an empty rubbish bin. I always hurt them especially Yaya, but i don't mean it. It's bcoz i have to. I ask Indah, and indah told me to talk to her, i tried talking to her, it doesn't work so why should i be bothered when she don't even wanna talk to me; without any purpose. Whatever it is; happy sad i will still have the both of you in my mind no matter what. Fought with yaya just now i was about to break down but i hold my tears and tried to control. I would never want to raise my voice to the people i love but it's just too much. I'm not your sister, i'm your friend. I respected you, i didnt scold you, scream at you. I talked nicely to you cause i know she won't like it if i scold her. But yeah everyone knew what type of person she is, she can get angry very fast, i understand but screaming at me won't help, i got feelings right, Allah. Yea the only person i can scream and shout and hit anything i want is Syahindah bcuz she's happy go lucky. Unless she has problems. We all has our flaws. So, to you two i'm sorry. I never wanted this to happened. Our inside jokes were the one who make our friendship stronger. But............Allah please guide me to make our friendship to the old us.

So basically our friendship has ended i mean yeah we're so childish. Friend, not friends, friends again then not friends. I'm sure you're tired of me. Yes thanks do you even know how it feels like? It seems like I'm the only person making in effort to build this friendship and you're over there with your "this is my last year in this school i don't wanna fight bla bla bla." But you're doing nothing to make our friendship stronger. Sometimes i just hope that you get out of this school as fast as possible. Sometimes, i really wish that you could stay longer in this school. I did all of this because i'm afraid that you will leave me all alone and actually it happened. Thanks to my friend who actually ate me i hope you him bestfriends soon? Yup if he's happy. I'm happy. I got my journal back just now. Miss Wany told us to do about "love" so i decided to do about you. I wrote everything about us but not your name. And in the end i asked for her opinion. "What should i do to make our friendship goes better like, the old us? No matter what i still love my bestfriend. Nothing can break us apart" and she actually replied "go and sit with him and talk about your friendship. Goodluck Diana! x"  But it doesnt help i guess. Something broke us apart and nothing can make us back together again. It's not that i'm not sad over this friendship. I am but i believe that i can be more happy without you. What's the use of you in my life when i'm always feeling sad and you're like "no i dont want entertain your sadness" palabutz ah you wanna entertain me when? Christmas? When you bored? So it's better you get out of my life, you made my life miserable. Now i'm cheering myself up and i hope you....................rot in hell gudbye xo.
Dear bestgirls,
Syahindah, Yaya if you guys wanna know, we looked so cool if we're happy. More crazy. I hate it when you guys are sad. You guys are born to be happy, problems do come and go but that doesn't mean you have to be sad all the time. You got someone you're fighting for. We will always promise to be there for each other all the time. Those advices were the one that actually motivated me not to give up. You see, giving other advices are so easy but so hard for you to follow it yourself right. Please don't be sad! Miracle happens you know. It's like no point you being sad when you knew that being sad won't solve the problem. Put that smile on your face it looks fucking good on you. Insyaallah, Allah will help us. Allah loves us. Never deny that. Stay positive and love one direction!! Fuck the world smile baby smile!
Love, Diana xo