Thanks Ya Allah for giving me such lovely friends like Syahindah and Aqilah. I'm so blessed. But do you know that our friendship is fading? Why Allah? What's my fault? I really can't bear losing any of my friends anymore. I've lost Wira. And i really don't want to lose my bestgirl; they're my life. I fucking hate myself for making that mistake. The reason is that i'm tired. Tired of trying my best so people will stay i realize by forcing, it won't help. Syahindah and Yaya is in need of listening ear. I know i'm nothing but i have to be there for them why must our friendship fade? I can actually cry anytime just by thinking about us. You know that i don't wanna lose them. You know that i pray for them every morning. You know how much they mean to me.  I know by saying sorry won't help. But if i didn't talk to them, my life is like an empty rubbish bin. I always hurt them especially Yaya, but i don't mean it. It's bcoz i have to. I ask Indah, and indah told me to talk to her, i tried talking to her, it doesn't work so why should i be bothered when she don't even wanna talk to me; without any purpose. Whatever it is; happy sad i will still have the both of you in my mind no matter what. Fought with yaya just now i was about to break down but i hold my tears and tried to control. I would never want to raise my voice to the people i love but it's just too much. I'm not your sister, i'm your friend. I respected you, i didnt scold you, scream at you. I talked nicely to you cause i know she won't like it if i scold her. But yeah everyone knew what type of person she is, she can get angry very fast, i understand but screaming at me won't help, i got feelings right, Allah. Yea the only person i can scream and shout and hit anything i want is Syahindah bcuz she's happy go lucky. Unless she has problems. We all has our flaws. So, to you two i'm sorry. I never wanted this to happened. Our inside jokes were the one who make our friendship stronger. But............Allah please guide me to make our friendship to the old us.