When life puts you in a tough condition, don't say why me? Say try me. Oh baby. 

It's only the beginning of 2012, and my life was so fucking fucked up already. No matter what date what year what day what time, i'm still gonna get hurt. Every single time. I'm never happy with life, nothing in my life seemed to be interesting anymore. Just for once, i want to be happy for at least a day. But "in life, you won't really get the things that you want." I lost alot of things. No not money that kind. I lost my precious things, which is so fragile. I lost a bestfriend whom trusted me so much, cared for me, loved but now he won't even want to speak with me, who won't trust me anymore, wouldn't even want to give me at least a second chance. Do you know that everybody makes mistake? That they deserve second chances. I give too many people 2nd chances that i myself got hurt i think. Not only that i lost my precious hair. I've been keeping for years and now that hairdresser cut wrongly thanks lah aku tak tumbuk muka kau dah nasib :') haha ok kidding. I just had a haircut, it looks super ugly when it's tied up and i have to tie bun everyday until it grows thick. I somehow regret cuz look up at the picture! That hair is much more better than mine now. I regretted having the haircut, first thing is that my hair might damage and it will look even uglier. So why am i so stupid? I'm gonna wait for it to grow and if it damages, i'm gonna save all my money to re-bond my hair to make it look nicer. It's okay i guess wasting money for hair.........isn't that what girls usually do. Waste money for stuffs to make her look nice. I guess so. Oh no eh? I just had an argument with my best girl. We fought just because we didn't meet today well obviously it's my fault eh. So today sucked like your momma pussy. School was boring lesson started, went to school with Iqal, didn't really talk to him as i was having sore throat and i had no voice........... but after awhile i tried talking and i sounded like a spoiled radio......... so i have to clear my throat whenever i talk. Til now. School was like normal. After school was much more boring. And as i reach home, something worsted even happened. Wouldn't want to share it here i guess it's too heartbreaking for me to elaborate. So i lied on my bed, ombak rindu song on replay and actually cried i tried so hard not to cry, wipe my tears every time but didn't help, "hey you had enough crying now go rest your mind" i started to fall asleep and it was maghrib i believe in Islam we can't sleep on that time. But i can't believe that i was saying this on my mind........... "aku nak continue tidur, setan mana nak sampuk aku, sampuk ah. Aku dah tak peduli ngan hidup aku lagi..............." soon as i woke up i was so shock when i remembered myself saying that. Mengucap :') Afterwards i just walked around the house and here i am blogging. I don't know what will happened next. I couldn't endure all this challenges in life anymore i just wanna be happy with everyone why can't i? And so the cycle repeat. Everyday the same thing got judged, being accused, got hurt, always alone. Baby im so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely. Baby im so lonely lonely lonely lonely lonely i really wanna give up in life everything is so imperfect nothing in life makes me satisfied hah nothing. Everything i do makes me look down on myself even more. I feel insecure wherever i go. I want to be as pretty as the other girls in my school. When i think back about this am sure i have the most miserable life, i always make stupid decisions that will lead me to disappoinment. And that will be the reason why i'm always sad. I and bestfriend do realize that i got a habit of having a hard to decide what's best for me what's worst for me. But in the up i tend to chose the "what's worst for me". I wish i could escape from school, i wish i could escape from life. I wanna go somewhere far away from here i wanna start a new life. Or even i wanna try going out alone to a quiet place, cry as hard as i want, scream my lungs out til i'm satisfied but i guess that won't happen right ha yeah that won't solve my problem but at least i've scream, told the world that my life means nothing. Ha my resolutions i'm afraid i couldn't achieve it. I'm afraid that i'm lack of confidence and i won't get what i wished for. I am always always lack of confidence and what more should i add..........oh i don't really hate my life you know, fuck it i love my life if not i'd already kill myself long ago. I just hate the people in it, the challenges that i have to face it's really tough. xoxo muah