It's been so long since I've posted anything in this blog, seems so dead and boring. It's 2014, and that's when reality really knock some sense on my head that i'm going through my teenage years. Everything's gonna change. I have to go through all the hard times by myself. I'm 16, which simply means that I am going to sit for my N level soon, just that one letter itself has already given me lots of pressure without motivations and support from my parents,(blessed i have bf who will always get me back up when i'm about to fall) it's really tough. Another hand, being compared and people setting high expectations on me at the same time keep on poking me with insults. Putting studies aside, i'm always facing this thing that i am always feeling so insecure with how i look, constantly afraid to go out because always afraid of getting judge, afraid looking at beautiful girls thinking that "why can't i be as beautiful as them". Scrolling past twitter/facebook/tumblr looking at how these 16 year old girl can look so pretty then there's me. Locked myself in the room at night and cry because of insecurity. I don't look good in anything, i can't fit into this jeans anymore, my hair is in a mess, i can't wear pretty clothes because i will end up looking like a clown. But on the other hand, i'm always blessed to have my boyfriend always by side to console me every time i feel insecure even though i don't agree with what ever he say, the effort and also the encouraging and loving words he gave will always calm me down. blessed goodnight x

Happier. I've not moved on nope i've not. But i can sense that i'm gaining back my happiness. I see no point crying and chasing for someone who has hurt me. Maybe i'll still think of him but i'll immediately think of something else. Everywhere i go, reminds me of him but i don't care. I stopped caring, i don't have any hatred feelings towards him. Maybe having a 'crush' will help me forget about him. 'Crush'- a secret crush no one knows, just me. Maybe it's just fated, but who knows someone better will come along- someone who'll love me despite of my flaws. Someone more charming and who's loyal & faithful. I know Allah has a plan for me, so i'd rather move on with my life rather than thinking of people who has hurt me so much. I pray for a better future. Amin.

"There's nothing like us, there's nothing like you and me together through the storm. Was it worth it? We were so perfect."

It upsets me to see that everything we had, it was all over. All the thing's we created for one year, it has exploded. The bricks of our love that we built for one year has collapse. I didn't know this will happen, it saddens me to force myself to be strong and continue trying. It hurts me more to be faking my smile/laughter when deep inside is just a broken heart. I will let time heals this heart because i have no one except for Allah. It's 9 more days to our 1 year 1 month, but we didn't last. Eventually, it has ended here. I wasn't expecting any good byes from you. I don't know why you did, but i only have a choice; stay strong. Despite this hurting, nothing will stop me from fighting for you and getting back our relationship. There was never once i ever give up on you. I feel like i'm not important anymore. Everything has changed, everything is so different. Idk #staystrong

He left. He didn't need me anymore. I was useless my effort was worthless my love was thrown away just like that. How much i need him right doesn't matter to him in fact idk how do i live without his love. Why did he have to leave? What did i do? I loved him, i fought for him but why did he stopped fighting for me? I thought we had to fight for each other no matter how bad we fought? I guess i was wrong. It happened to fast. I'm all alone now

I feel nothing

Idk if it's me or life is just being unfair to me. Maybe today isn't a happy day for me. Everyone change why does everyone change? And because of that i can literally feel myself avoiding from everyone i scold because of the slightest thing i show tantrums and shout unnecessarily. What is happening to me why does it feel like no one gives a fuck about me no one cares. I feel like i'm always alone when there're so many people around me. I don't feel loved by anyone i just felt like everyone has gave up on me like "u dun mean anything to me anymore" i feel unimportant i feel useless worthless at time i tend to hate myself i hate my life i don't think what to do i feel so lost like no one is there for me i have to handle this all by myself i really get pissed off easily and when i am, i will spout hurtful words to people just so they'll feel how i feel. I lie down on my bed and think about my life and just cry and i get hurt so easily what is happening :-(

things will get better i promise -life

So basically i'm just a happy girl now!!!! 1) My lovely boyfriend spent his money just to get me a polaroid; something that i wanted for so long and he's such a cutie to make my wish come true how can i not love him? No one ever buy me such expensive stuffs like this for me hehehe! Love you. 2) It's only 1 more day to our USS trip it is really unbelievable i'm going uss for the second time but this time with bby and i'm sure gonna enjoy myself(more) on Monday! Can't wait to snap pictures with bf and take the rides there hehe 1 more day! So basically life has been pretty good to me, no more cryings and stuffs. I am so happy nowadays i hope this happiness will last and oh ya i'm very very satisfied with my examination results ha ha chalos people